Chaos during COVID

I read a quote recently that simply stated, “chaos makes the muse.” This hit me in a way I didn’t expect. Lately I have felt like my life has just been constant chaos, uncertainty and emotional turmoil. This, as for many, was sparked by COVID-19, but continued to seep into other areas of my life. I felt like I no longer had the footing I had worked so hard to create. The floor was gone and in its place was a fall without a parachute.

In these scenarios I often find myself embracing the fall rather than looking for a limb to hold on to. I let the chaos direct my life for a little while. Sometimes this ends in mistakes or failures I hate to admit to. It has more than once ended in failed relationships and often feels like my chaos transfers to others- something I’m not proud of. This leads to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. However, when the chaos begins to clear and the floor is in sight again, I feel renewed. I feel a stronger sense of self and learn a major lesson in how I impact others.

This most recent season showed me how much of my personal journey was still evolving. It showed me that caring about someone isn’t enough when you’re still finding your own footing. You have to paint your own picture before showing someone else the canvas. Otherwise, it just becomes a blur of lines and colors that don’t blend together.

Chaos can be life changing and it can also bring some of the harshest emotions you experience. But out of it comes a muse for you to look back on and admire. All of the times you hurt someone, someone hurt you, whatever it may be, all lead to fuel for inspiration. The muse inspires you to keep going, do better and add to your collection of moments. The muse is beautiful because it went through chaotic moments that pushed you toward the light.

I encourage all of you to embrace the times of chaos and lean into the lessons you learn. We are all struggling to find ourselves. Many of us thought we had and then a pandemic hit, uprooting everything we thought we knew. Take the new job, make the move, expand your friendships because we all are looking for brighter times. We are all starting from square one together and no matter who you were before, your muse is ready for you to find it.

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