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Closure (or lack thereof)

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The idea of closure is one that can be both comforting and daunting at the same time. Closure can offer a promising goodbye and an introduction to a world you’ve never seen before. In the same breathe it can also be the end of a former life and the realization that permanence is not always granted.

Closure comes in many aspects of life and I’ve experienced several of them recently. You may feel alone in your journey toward closure and I want to offer the reassuring and cliche words, “you are not alone.” Closure remains behind closed doors and is not a topic discussed casually during brunch or during happy hour with your coworkers. But it can be spoken so loudly in your thoughts that you wonder how no one else has heard. The following are the forms of closure that I am currently tackling:

Closure in friendships

I’ve lost friendships in the past due to location change, job changes, etc.; but it wasn’t until this year that a friendship ended without a physical reason to blame. A friend and I no longer had the same values, our personalities vastly different and our lives moving swiftly in opposite directions. Closure was not granted immediately. Closure came when I started to see how both of our lives continued toward success. We needed to keep moving in different directions to follow happiness and the friendship would be a weight to slow down the trip. Closure came in smiling at her success, regardless of the state of our friendship.

Closure (or lack thereof) in relationships

This is often closure that lacks a definite end. A false sense of closure was felt with a tearful, yet hopeful, goodbye. Closure was felt when the words, “I wish you the best,” were forced from your mouth. Closure was forced when they blocked you from their world entirely. This closure hurts the most, but is often the best. It forces you to look forward and throw yourself into your new world. Silence gives you peace, it allows forgiveness and it allows you to mend your heart for the next relationship. Closure in this sense is freeing and offers the greatest reward: genuine happiness within yourself.

“Sometimes closure arrives years later. Long after you stopped searching for it. You’re just sitting there, laughing this laugh that is unapologetically yours. As it trails off, the corners of your mouth hug your face and it hits you, ‘I’m happy.’ It’s just like that. With no fanfare or epiphany.”- word.honey

Closure after moving

Moving is one of those strange things that often doesn’t impact you until several weeks, or even months later. It can feel like a vacation, a small hiatus from your current life- until its not. Making a commitment to maintain friendships that you worked hard to build can offer reassurance. Know that moving introduces you to parts of yourself you’ve never met before. It can even reintroduce you to parts that were lost. Staying busy is key to finding this form of closure. Immerse yourself in your new community, find a job you love, explore new hobbies. You will be so busy that you’ll refer to your new surroundings as home without a second thought and your life will take off in ways you’ve never imagined.

What is your idea of closure and how do you find it? 

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